Sh** Colombians Say, Part 3

A series of posts dedicated to the intricacies of cultural Spanish expressions that offer insight on the Colombian experience. Some may be specific to Latin American Spanish, the Andean region, Colombia, in and around Bogotá, small towns or even the kids at my school. They’ve caught my interest and maybe  found their way into my vocabulary.

Chinos/as means Chinese people. Except in the Bogotá area, where it means “kids.” By now “chino” comes flying out of my mouth without hesitation but it was a confusing day or two before I figured out that no, people here are not outwardly racist against the Chinese (and there’s definitely not an Asian population in Tabio to even make it relevant). They just have weird slang.

Que pena… essentially means “I’m being a huge pain in the ass right now…” or “I’m about to do or say something super inconvenient for you…” or “I just did something obnoxious/rude and I feel bad.”  It’s literally something like “what a pain/shame/misfortune/embarrassment” and used how we say “Excuse me/pardon”, though more frequently, to ease the blow of an inconvenience or imposition.

“Que pena, I’m interrupting your class because…”

“Que pena, profe, I’m late because…”

“Que pena, the internet in all of Tabio isn’t working today…”

It’s never what I want to hear, but like “tranquilo” is an excellent defensive phrase. I’m certainly guilty of conjuring my best “confused and pathetic light-haired foreigner” face and “que pena”-ing my way in or out of situations as needed.

Es que…

THE EXCUSES. Holy Simon Bolivar, they are full of excuses, and they really need to step up their game. I know, it’s probably universal with teaching high school, but I can’t relate because I did my homework. If I spun a tall tale or two in order to buy time or miss a class in college, at least they were credible. Anyway, I can’t figure out if they’re testing me as a foreign/new teacher, or if the excuses really work in other classes?

“I don’t have the text book.”

“Someone took my pencil case.”

“I left my notebook at home.”

“My backpack got wet and ruined the worksheet.”

I can’t even decide if I would rather hear an attempt at a more elaborate excuse, or let them stick with the one-liners.

“Teacher, we couldn’t do the homework yesterday because we were in the soccer tournament.” I laughed out loud at this because they were so sincere, so convinced it was a legitimate reason. Wrong crowd, boys.

“I had my notebook, but ______ borrowed it to copy the work she missed, and I did the homework on a piece of paper but I started to copy it in my notebook and then I left them both at home.” (Yea, me neither.) Overall I’m kind of an asshole when they bring forth the excuses. Just do your work! I did my homework in high school and college, and guess what? I still had fun! Crazy!

Es que. Es que. Es que. Es que literally means “It’s that…,” a way of starting a sentence to explain something. I consistently, Spanglishly affirm that I will not sympathize with the “es ques” and now they’ll start to say it then laugh. It doesn’t mean they do homework more consistently, but I like to think they’re more self-aware.

Beloved GMSB students translating this with Google, I think you already know how I feel about the phrase “es que.”

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