When is a finca really a finca?

Those Colombians. Everybody’s got a finca or an uncle with a finca, and you’re invited. But how do you know if it’s really a finca?

Ask yourself these questions. If you can answer SÍ, SEÑOR to most of them, then you, amigo, have found yourself on a finca.

  • If you bused there, did you have to ask the driver to stop in a specific, unmarked location?
  • Did you then have to walk and/or take another form of transportation?
  • If someone drove you, did you make at least 2 stops en route for anything from snacks to photo ops?
  • Is there enough beer for a frat house on a Thursday night?

It may be a 3km walk uphill in the dark, but damned if we aren’t making sure the beer gets there intact.

  • Has someone forced you to drink guaro (aguardiente), even after you said you didn’t like it?
  • Is there at least one relative or hired caretaker at your side the instant you need help with something?
  • Are there various animals wandering around in form of pets and livestock?

  • Have you participated in some sort of group meal preparation?
  • Is the climate different enough from Bogotá (or your base city of choice) that you packed special clothing, such as shorts or a heavy jacket?
  • Is there a constant soundtrack of vallenato, salsa and Colombian Spanish?
  • Are there fruit trees?
  • Are you doing a lot of sitting around?

  • Are there hammocks?

  • Are there magically enough sleeping spots for everyone?
  • Has anyone told you that you’re “in your house?”
  • Have you eaten produce, meat or dairy from the property where you’re staying?

  • Did you go on an excursion?

  • Are you exhausted and relaxed all at the same time?
  • Are you dreading your return to Real Life in the Big City?

Final Verdict: Finca, or Not Finca?

(Photos from el llano and La Vega)

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